"Work saves more souls than love."

"I will never be interviewed by you. You are the worst journalist in this country. You are never objective. You make up stories. You lie all the time, and you put yourself in the middle of everything. Why don’t you switch to literature, where all of these defects are virtues?"

"The people who talk too much either feel too unworthy, or too worthy."

"…one day I will be thin, and he will still be the director of The Brown Bunny."

"Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don’t get out much. It’s true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well."

"Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you."

"Banks don’t make loans to people that need money. That’s what pawn shops are for."

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."

"A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch."

"O man you are busy working for the world, and the world is busy trying to turn you out."

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it."

"I don’t care about money, ‘cause it never cared about me."

"True humour comes from a place of depth and intelligence. Craig Ferguson, Louis CK and Henry Rollins are funny. Those who expend their lives on nothing but trying to be funny…not so much."

"Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions."