Marune: Alastor 933, Jack Vance

‘The problem with the advice you got about writing with numbers is that the wording was ambiguous. Also it had a comma splice in it, which was confusing. Here is the advice in correctly punctuated form, edited for clarity: Spell out numbers from zero to nine, and use numerals for numbers 10 and up, except when the number comes at the beginning of the sentence. If you need to start a sentence with a number, always spell out the number, no matter how high it is.

Although that’s sound advice in most cases (especially in journalism and the Social Sciences), the issue is complicated.  For example, the Modern Language Association advises us to spell out all numbers one hundred and below and use numerals for 101 and above.  But they make exceptions for very large round numbers, such as a forty million, which should be spelled out. Seems reasonable.

Diana Hacker (author of A Canadian Writer’s Reference) advises that, no matter which system you are using, you should be consistent within a sentence (but I have noticed in newspapers and magazines that journalists will mix numerals with spelled-out numbers in a sentence).

Diana also says we should mix it up when one number follows another, to avoid confusion. The examples she gives are “three 100-metre events” and “25 four-poster beds.”

If you have to start a sentence with a very large number, Diana advises, rewrite the sentence!

Just getting back in practice to resume teaching this week. No doubt you know all this already and were just being “ironic” in your email. If you would like a dissertation on the use of quotation marks for the sake of “irony,” let me know.’

- a University of Winnipeg professor

“K: I live out here in the woods of Northern Ontario (yes, where the bear shits), and where the selection of cards is not what you’d call great. So this is the best I could do in the way of a “thank you” card. Yes, thanx for the other night. Your generosity did not go by unnoticed. You are a pal!

- Tomson Highway”

A funny Father’s Day cum thank you card I received from award-winning author Tomson Highway.

Aqua Books Songwriter-in-Residence Marcel Desilets’ final wrap to his songwriting project, recorded in “The Big Church” at Gordie’s Coffee House on June 23, 2011.

To get up to speed on what this project was all about, click for Phase 1, Phase 2 and Phase 3.

After studying the lines acquired from the last random picks, I was able to find some connections to the theme and started piecing together the last portion of the song, as well as tweaking a bit of the previous verses. As mentioned previously, it wasn’t my intent to feel I had to use everything that I wrote down from the books, but use what I gathered towards the end result of writing a new song. Mission accomplished. This was an extremely satisfying and fun project. It was a great way to make myself write to task and make use of the endless inspiration that a building full of used books can give you. I’ll definitely do it again in some form. Many thanks to Kelly Hughes for inviting me to be Songwriter In Residence.

So, here’s the result, in written form anyway, of my new song. Maybe once it’s recorded we can post it to this site for you to hear/see.

Some Kingdom’s Door

In a cup held with practiced hands

Both precious and thin

Fragrance rising to the ceiling

Shallowly breathed in

Is there a high price to pay

If you just have to go

I could hear “Well, I don’t think so

Just so you know…just so you know”

And this night’s just like any other

With my feet on the floor

Tapping at the bottom

Of some kingdom’s door

And I drink to what’s been made

And breathe in bits of grace

And I stand by this wall

Thinking this is the place…thinking this is the place

And this night’s just like any other

With my feet on the floor

Tapping at the bottom

Of some kingdom’s door

Marcel Desilets

June 8, 2011

teachingliteracy:

OSTRICH offers a micro environment in which to take a warm and comfortable power nap at ease. It is neither a pillow nor a cushion, nor a bed, nor a garment, but a bit of each at the same time. Its soothing cave-like interior shelters and isolates our head and hands (mind, senses and body) for a few minutes, without needing to leave our desk.

Me ‘n Tomson Highway

[usually a sign that I’m about to stop enjoying it.]

Me: Yep.

Guy: So, what’s good to read in here?

[He’s sashaying around the store.]

Me: There’s lots of good books. What kind of book do you like?

[He’s also grinning like the village idiot.]

Guy: Oh, I don’t know. Have you written a book?

[I confess I’m starting to get sick of the sashaying/grinning.]

Me: Are we going to do this all night?

Guy: What, me asking you a question and you not answering?

[touché]

Me: Are you drunk?

Guy: Me? No, no, no. Why…? Oh, I guess you must get a lot of drunks in because you’re across the street from that place.

Me: [nothing]

Guy: Do you look at writers’ stuff?

Me: Not sure what kind of stuff you mean.

Guy: Like, what they’ve written.

Me: Sorry.

Guy: Well, I’ve written a book, and this guy told me to come down and talk to you about it.

Me: Has it been published?

Guy: No, not yet.

Me: Then there’s nothing I can do. We sell books, not printouts.

Guy: I wonder why that guy told me to come here then.

[Probably because he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.]

Me: I have no idea.

Guy: So how do I get it published then? Actually, how do I get them published. I’ve written most of a second book now too, so I guess I need both of them published.

Me: Well you either submit it to a publisher, or you pay to get it printed yourself.

Guy: Do you have an email, or a phone number or something? Someone I can contact?

Me: No.

Guy: I don’t why that guy told me to come here…

….when this guy walked in the store. A little background first. It was almost 10pm on the evening of our biggest single event of the year so far. Playwright/pianist/national treasure Tomson Highway was performing in our theatre upstairs, and there were 120 people up there listening. (We had to turn away about 40 people at the door.) Ariel and I were sitting at the front talking, waiting for things to wind down.

The guy walked in and made one of those friendly (and insincere) comments someone makes as an opening line when they want something. I wish I could remember what it was, but it blew by me. I answered non-committally. Then this guy produced a book. (Let’s call this guy GG.)

GG: Do you have a copy of this book?

Me: (I look at it.) Uh, nope, I don’t think so.

GG: Do you want one?

Me: Are you [insert author’s name here]?

GG: Yes, I am.

Me: Yeah, we don’t really sell new books.

GG: (With a five-dollar smile) Would you sell it if it was used?

Me: Probably not. Did you publish the book yourself?

GG: Yes.

Me: Well, I assume you’ve had your launch at McNally and sold your forty copies, and they’re stocking it now. Am I right?

GG: We have the book at McNally and a number of other places in town, and we’re looking for a few more places to sell it.

Me: That’s about all you can do with it. Honestly, the people that will be most interested in it are your friends and family. If I put it on the shelf here, it just wouldn’t move. Price point and subject matter, and all that.

GG: That’s your opinion.

Me: Uh, I’m just telling you that it’s not going to move here. I’ve been doing this for twelve years. I know my store.

GG: You’re really brushing me off here, aren’t you?

Me: I’m just telling you that we don’t sell self-published books. Winnipeg is the DIY capital of Canada, and as such, the city is crawling with self-published books. Your book just isn’t anything we can sell here.

GG: You may think I’m some local guy, but I didn’t write this book in my backyard you know. I’m a trained psychologist. I’m on the radio, you know. And my book is really good, and people are going to buy it. I thought Winnipeggers supported the efforts and success of one another, but I guess I was wrong.

Me: Uh, okay, well best of luck then.

GG: Yeah, thanks.

Now on further reflection, I realize that I should support the efforts of this author. He is on the radio after all. His name is Gerry Goertzen, and his book is called, Relational Tri-Umph: Solving Relational Stress and Building Relational Success. For the money ($18.64), Gerry’s advice on relational success is pure gold. I can personally vouch for his ability to steer you away from relational stress and into relational success. He’s an expert.

Unfortunately, we have no copies on our shelves, but it is for sale on Amazon.

She means us!

Dear Honorable & Respected Aquabooks Prize for Poetry. At the outset a privilege to be writing this email to you. It’d be an honor to have your support and mesmerizing patronization for my poetry.  My styling of poetry / literature is inimitably unique and has never ever been written before or experimented by any mortal on the mortal planet . Though my poetry / literature is natural and normal .

……

I am Nikhil Parekh, a 33 year old poet and author from Ahmedabad , India. I am also an Eight - Time World Record holder for my Poetry with the Limca Book of Records ( 2nd in official world rankings to the Guinness Book of World Records ) and a Goodwill Ambassador for the International Goodwill Treaty for World Peace. You can visit me at ******, where thousands of my poems can be browsed on the Internet .

Till date , in my mortal capacity and by God’s invincibly astounding grace on me, I have authored 9 poetry books which constitute of nearly 7000 pages of my Poetry.

…….

Blah, blah, blah, blah blah…

First of all, anyone who has written 7000 pages of poetry must be incarcerated. Most Canadian poets I know take about three years to do 60-80 pages of good poetry.

Secondly, the Limca Book of Records is published by Coca-Cola India, owners of the Limca brand. Limca is supposedly a lemon-lime soda. I bought one a few days ago (coincidentally) because I thought it looked good. It tasted like a liquid version of Thrills gum, which, you may know, tastes like soap. I looked at the ingredients on the bottle to find there was nothing in there but carbonated water, sugar, and preservatives. Not even any citric acid, which is normally used to create a feeling of lemony-limeyness. Therefore I aspire to tell you, esteemed reader, if you deem worthy by God’s awesome and astounding grace, that I think Limca is the biggest crap drink any mortal has yet developed on this mortal earth.