Just had a delicious tuna sandwich on dark rye with a Caesar salad from The Fyxx on Albert.

Sorry, we’re out of Caesar salad. Is the garden salad okay?

Sure.

Ohhhh…..no more rye bread. Corn bread okay?

What other kind of bread do you have?

Just wraps.

Okay, corn bread is great.

Great. Alex, where’s the tuna? Uhhh, looks like there’s no tuna. I’m sorry.

No problem. How about egg salad?

Mmmmmmm……Tuna on rye with a Caesar salad. Nothing like it.

Kelly Hughes

Kelly Hughes

Customer quote of the day

Best comment on the CBC today

Him: What time are you open today?

Me: We’re open until 10pm tonight.

Him: What time do you open?

Me: We’re open 11am to 10pm.

Him: And you’re closed between 1 and 3?

Me: No. We’re open 11 to 10.

Him (getting insistent): But you’re usually closed 1-3, right?

Me: No.

Him (thinks I’m lying): You used to be closed from 1-3.

Me (mad): No, we never close during the day. We’re closed Mondays, so maybe that’s what you’re thinking.

Him (whatever): Yeah, okay thanks. Well I have something to drop off.

(Later on, he walks in. Looks at me suspiciously.)

Him: You change these?

Me: What?

Him: These signs on the door (he indicates the three year-old signs that don’t say we’re closed 1-3), you change these?

Me: No.

Him: No?

Me: No.

Him (sick of my bloody lying): Yeah, okay. Here’s your package.

(He walks away, shaking his head in contempt at having to deal with liars and cheats.)

Me ‘n Tomson Highway

[usually a sign that I’m about to stop enjoying it.]

Me: Yep.

Guy: So, what’s good to read in here?

[He’s sashaying around the store.]

Me: There’s lots of good books. What kind of book do you like?

[He’s also grinning like the village idiot.]

Guy: Oh, I don’t know. Have you written a book?

[I confess I’m starting to get sick of the sashaying/grinning.]

Me: Are we going to do this all night?

Guy: What, me asking you a question and you not answering?

[touché]

Me: Are you drunk?

Guy: Me? No, no, no. Why…? Oh, I guess you must get a lot of drunks in because you’re across the street from that place.

Me: [nothing]

Guy: Do you look at writers’ stuff?

Me: Not sure what kind of stuff you mean.

Guy: Like, what they’ve written.

Me: Sorry.

Guy: Well, I’ve written a book, and this guy told me to come down and talk to you about it.

Me: Has it been published?

Guy: No, not yet.

Me: Then there’s nothing I can do. We sell books, not printouts.

Guy: I wonder why that guy told me to come here then.

[Probably because he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.]

Me: I have no idea.

Guy: So how do I get it published then? Actually, how do I get them published. I’ve written most of a second book now too, so I guess I need both of them published.

Me: Well you either submit it to a publisher, or you pay to get it printed yourself.

Guy: Do you have an email, or a phone number or something? Someone I can contact?

Me: No.

Guy: I don’t why that guy told me to come here…

Kelly Hughes talks about Winnipeg’s Cultural City Hall on CKUW’s People of Interest, 5/30/11

….when this guy walked in the store. A little background first. It was almost 10pm on the evening of our biggest single event of the year so far. Playwright/pianist/national treasure Tomson Highway was performing in our theatre upstairs, and there were 120 people up there listening. (We had to turn away about 40 people at the door.) Ariel and I were sitting at the front talking, waiting for things to wind down.

The guy walked in and made one of those friendly (and insincere) comments someone makes as an opening line when they want something. I wish I could remember what it was, but it blew by me. I answered non-committally. Then this guy produced a book. (Let’s call this guy GG.)

GG: Do you have a copy of this book?

Me: (I look at it.) Uh, nope, I don’t think so.

GG: Do you want one?

Me: Are you [insert author’s name here]?

GG: Yes, I am.

Me: Yeah, we don’t really sell new books.

GG: (With a five-dollar smile) Would you sell it if it was used?

Me: Probably not. Did you publish the book yourself?

GG: Yes.

Me: Well, I assume you’ve had your launch at McNally and sold your forty copies, and they’re stocking it now. Am I right?

GG: We have the book at McNally and a number of other places in town, and we’re looking for a few more places to sell it.

Me: That’s about all you can do with it. Honestly, the people that will be most interested in it are your friends and family. If I put it on the shelf here, it just wouldn’t move. Price point and subject matter, and all that.

GG: That’s your opinion.

Me: Uh, I’m just telling you that it’s not going to move here. I’ve been doing this for twelve years. I know my store.

GG: You’re really brushing me off here, aren’t you?

Me: I’m just telling you that we don’t sell self-published books. Winnipeg is the DIY capital of Canada, and as such, the city is crawling with self-published books. Your book just isn’t anything we can sell here.

GG: You may think I’m some local guy, but I didn’t write this book in my backyard you know. I’m a trained psychologist. I’m on the radio, you know. And my book is really good, and people are going to buy it. I thought Winnipeggers supported the efforts and success of one another, but I guess I was wrong.

Me: Uh, okay, well best of luck then.

GG: Yeah, thanks.

Now on further reflection, I realize that I should support the efforts of this author. He is on the radio after all. His name is Gerry Goertzen, and his book is called, Relational Tri-Umph: Solving Relational Stress and Building Relational Success. For the money ($18.64), Gerry’s advice on relational success is pure gold. I can personally vouch for his ability to steer you away from relational stress and into relational success. He’s an expert.

Unfortunately, we have no copies on our shelves, but it is for sale on Amazon.

….just walked in and said, See what did I tell you?

Me: What did you tell me?

Glenn: I said we’d know about the Jets within two weeks. The Jets are coming back, man. The Jets are back!

Me: So, are you getting season tickets?

Glenn: [pause] Well, depends on how much they are.

Welcome back to Winnipeg, NHL.

Just got a phone message:

Hi, my name is [whatever] and I’m doing a poster for [some thing] at Aqua Books. Can you send me a digital copy of your logo? My phone number is [blah, blah]. Thanks.

Um, sure I can do that. Let me just plug my USB into the phone. Or hey, how about giving me your email address?

…and asked if there was a restaurant nearby our store.

We have one right on site, I answered, EAT! bistro.

Oh, what do you serve?

If you have access to the Internet, you can look up our menu at EATbistro.ca.

Look it up? I’m just an old lady in a suite. That’s all. I can’t look anything up.