Him: What time are you open today?

Me: We’re open until 10pm tonight.

Him: What time do you open?

Me: We’re open 11am to 10pm.

Him: And you’re closed between 1 and 3?

Me: No. We’re open 11 to 10.

Him (getting insistent): But you’re usually closed 1-3, right?

Me: No.

Him (thinks I’m lying): You used to be closed from 1-3.

Me (mad): No, we never close during the day. We’re closed Mondays, so maybe that’s what you’re thinking.

Him (whatever): Yeah, okay thanks. Well I have something to drop off.

(Later on, he walks in. Looks at me suspiciously.)

Him: You change these?

Me: What?

Him: These signs on the door (he indicates the three year-old signs that don’t say we’re closed 1-3), you change these?

Me: No.

Him: No?

Me: No.

Him (sick of my bloody lying): Yeah, okay. Here’s your package.

(He walks away, shaking his head in contempt at having to deal with liars and cheats.)