Guys like you...

“Guys like you don’t actually scare me. I’m just saying, I don’t have the book.”

This is apparently what I said on the phone to a lawyer on Friday. (One of my staff wrote it down, because she thought it was so funny. I was in a bit of a fury and don’t recall exactly what I said.) The lawyer in question was trying to stop the distribution of an already-published book on events that happened in a Manitoba Hutterite Colony in 1966. He was also trying to bully me into cancelling the reading that we were having (and did have) on Saturday. (Additionally, he really wanted a copy of the book and couldn’t figure out how to find the publisher on the Internet.) He’s not the first lawyer I’ve dealt with and I certainly don’t take well to people who use language as a weapon, especially when they’re no good at it. Signalling his intentions to someone who’s in the media every two weeks or so, was a bad move. I have a feeling that he got an angry call from his client today wondering how his confidential inquiry wound up on the front page of the newspaper. Here it is.

Actual Terrible Email I Just Got

My name is LaQuita Adams and I am the owner of 5 Star Publications. I was browsing your webiste and I noticed a blog where you said for companies to email you their titles and cover to see if you would be interested in ordering our new title, 4Play…Never Say Never by AJ Williams. I have attached a cover for your viewing. Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from!

(Dear LaQuita. Based on your grammar, punctuation and spelling, I’m going to assume it’s an awesome book. Send me 100! Kelly Hughes, Webiste Ownre.

Top Ten Ways People Arrived at AquaBooks.ca This Week

These are all Google searches. Click at your own risk:

10. Capt. F.S. Brereton for sale (We come up #8 here. Some Captains just can’t be bought. This guy apparently can.)

9. John Danakas family life (#19. There’s a way to find this, dude. It’s called Facebook.)

8. funny reasons to live in winnipeg (#10. We should really be #1 here.)

7. iraqi mob in winnipeg (#29. The last time we had this was during our big burka blowout.)

6. math bookstores winnipeg (#3. Winnipeg doesn’t really have one of these. Now that we’re getting an IKEA, maybe we’re big enough for one of these new-fangled all-math bookstores.)

5. Levitating Trains and Kamikaze Genes free ebook (#7. They don’t give away free ebooks for books that are still in print. Idiot. If you don’t understand why, let me direct you to this all-economics bookstore over here.)

4. can you use Interac in Cuba? (#11. Ummm, I don’t know what to say here…)

3. who buys used book stores in winnipeg (#2. Or go to, www.yesiwillbuyyourfailingbookstore.com.)

2. audience becoming a bookstore owner (#2. So one minute I’m attending a book launch, next thing I know, I’m a collective!)

And my personal fave…

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